vertigo...

sitting in this friendly place. in a friendly space.

I've recently been very pulled when I'm here in this box. "In the box." So to speak...the one in my lap. Good, you got. it. With my hands feeling slightly extra enflated like mabye the monster creatures in Naked Lunch...the very beginning stages when you just start to look a little like A Scanner Darkly...off shaded, almost cartoony. But you know that you're on the verge...the very verge of a crack. F. Scott Fitzgerald Crack. It exists, you know. I feel like I'm swallowing the very back of my tongue and there's a liquid running down...except drowing...and I have to open my mouth wide. It's the allergies. They'll say...I should get something.

I'm going to tell you that I've been very torn recently...between the electronic portions of my life and the real live breathing technicolor not 256bpi crazy electronic world. the real real one.

The funny thing though, is that I actually mean the world that exists when me the real live breathing one am working on writing stories on paper....the funny thing is me thinking that in some ways that world...the paper world is inherently better than the electronic world. I'm not sure if you'll get that.

Anyhow. Just wanted to think outloud for a bit. Funny things surround me and I'm about 85% happy with it. I'm going to the paper world now.