Prozac Nation

I think that Prozac Nation was harder to watch than anything else I've ever seen. Harder even than grotesque violence. Harder than really bad B-movies. Harder because the entire time I was seeing the familiar. Those lines weren't just some abstract screenplay that had something to do with someone else. It was my life. Those were my fights with my own mother. That is my life up to this point. I think, somehow, that I'm on the tail end of it...but to watch it...to see it...to recognize again just how close to the very bottom I was and to know that I could be there again...I could cry. All night. I won't. I won't because that's what not being depressed is about. It's about recognizing the difference between reality and theory. In theory I could cry. In theory I could have been devestated by my experiences. In reality, I know that I have to pull myself together and continue functioning. Functioning is what keeps me sane when there is nothing else left. That and keeping myself entertained. I look back on the times that I was a lot closer to crazy...and I guess I am just thankful that even though I didn't always feel supported, there were people around me who didn't give up. If you have ever done that for me or for anyone else...you should know that it's not always easy for someone to recognize how much you've helped them or even to say thank you, but you should know that you changed someone's life. You saved someone's life.