Hello, I love you...

Good morning, morning. It's afternoon, actually, but I just finished with Sunday brunches.

I had a fabulous weekend. All said and done, I got ahead of schedule in life and happiness. I was bursting for a pretty good amount of it.

I'm starting to finally notice physically that I've been working out every day. I did actually feel more tired at the gym yesterday than usual, but in a good way, I think. My muscles are feeling more in tune with each other and with use. I think, though, that I'm going to start going to yoga with one of my girlfriends because I'm absolutely certain I need to be moving my body in new, different, more full ways. Not being a dancer anymore, I miss the rigor of perfecting each movement.

I discovered a new poetry book last night by Kim Addonizio. I'm really enjoying it and I even e-mailed her and asked her whether she'd consider coming to speak. Who knows if she'll actually get back to me, but I really like what she's saying and how she's saying it in some of her poems. I got it off of my friend's bookshelf, but he found it in the small publisher and out of print section at a huge bookstore/warehouse in Portland. In one of her poems she writes about Virginia, so I'm interested to know more. I'll keep you updated.

In other news, smiling and happiness are enough sometimes. I'm getting there more and more every day. After all, when all is said and done, what do I really have to be sad about? I have incredible friends who I would do anything for and who would do anything for me and that's honestly half the battle. Thank you to all of you who are. You are more to me me than I could have expected.

this just in

Today when I opened up my amazon.com homepage in order to look up a desk that would span my bathtub so I could write in the tub, I saw a ridiculous home page (I will scan images in later, promise). It prompted a lot of thought regarding my individuality, taste levels, cultural awareness, etc.

Don't worry. I'll explain.

I fixed my bike. My hands smell like bike grease but I am glad that I labored on the product myself. I do need to fix the breaks. Maybe I will learn how.

I am very surprised there is not a desk for writing over the bathtub. I may have to make one? Ask Bryan / Brian to make one? Hmm.

Alright. Shower, clean. Crazy keg party @ my house. Again, I mean. That's twice in three days.

What?

five minutes of library paranoia rambling.

Sometimes I want to retreat into the life going on inside of my head and completely forget about everyone around me.

I really hate other people sometimes. I know hate is a strong word....and I know that anyone who knows me knows that I only very rarely allow this "hate" to escape into my daily life....but sometimes I can tell.

Today I am feeling extremely aggressive. I guarantee it's because we are in that lovely week that falls between Valentine's Day and my birthday, notably the most awful week of every other year of my adult life that I've participated in so far.

How do I feel this year? Like I want to retreat into a small space in my apartment, read 4 Harry Potter books, finish at least 2 significant books that I've been reading, scribble things into a journal, and wait for someone to notice that I've been missing for a few days.

But I, being a responsible "good kid" have classes, committments, and meetings that I am too lame to skip. I tried the whole "giving up" thing last semester. For two weeks I did absolutely nothing I was supposed to. Honestly, I felt motivationless, purposeless, and helpless.

I know that I wish that I wasn't motivated by all the "stupid" school shit I have to do sometimes....but I guess some motivation in some direction is better than being a stagnant pond of sloth.

The ideal would be doing without thinking....and thinking because it's fun....but somehow when I shut my body down, my mind soon follows.

Today I want to embrace something really good in life.
I may start with distillation. : )

happy songs can be right

I live an excellent life. I've been realizing this more and more and it dawned on me today that I am so incredibly lucky. Sure, some times there are these bizarro things that trouble me or kind of throw me off kilter....but when it comes to day to day life, I have it made. I live in a great place and get to take baths, cook things, and read Nabakov. I love me.

I guess the only thing that I regret, ever, is that sometimes it is clear that my life revolves around myself. I don't mean in a "selfish" kind of way....like I don't always want everyone to act only in so much as it is useful to me....but I get a little wrapped up in myself and the way I live my life sometimes. I'm terrified of outside intrusion.

There's an empty box of condoms in the trashcan outside of my housemates' front door. The thought of them having sex with people is odd, since I'm sure it happens, and I might even hear it sometimes, but it never phases me.

Anyways, back to what I can tell is going to be one of my favorite novels. The prose is explosive.