this just in

Today when I opened up my amazon.com homepage in order to look up a desk that would span my bathtub so I could write in the tub, I saw a ridiculous home page (I will scan images in later, promise). It prompted a lot of thought regarding my individuality, taste levels, cultural awareness, etc.

Don't worry. I'll explain.

I fixed my bike. My hands smell like bike grease but I am glad that I labored on the product myself. I do need to fix the breaks. Maybe I will learn how.

I am very surprised there is not a desk for writing over the bathtub. I may have to make one? Ask Bryan / Brian to make one? Hmm.

Alright. Shower, clean. Crazy keg party @ my house. Again, I mean. That's twice in three days.

What?

sleepy time t

I watched Rushmore tonight with Valeria, etc. It was REALLY good. I realized that I have got to keep getting good movies in the mail and actually watching them. I stopped doing this for a while earlier this semester and it meant that I never really thought about film but I really like film--well made films are beautiful to watch and have plenty of witty banter upon which to dwell. That is why I must keep watching them.

I cleaned tonight. Organizational, almost compulsive cleaning. I did the same thing last night when I watched Prince of Egypt with Jeff. I guess that's what "keeping house" is...being obsessed with things being in their place to the point that I sometimes waste time doing it. Although I wouldn't say a clean space is a waste of time.

*Yawn* I stayed up way past my bedtime tonight getting work done. I realized that I pretty much have at least one major thing to do or that is due every single day for the rest of the semester. Yikes! I also have a final paper due on Friday that I'm just not sure I can do. I wasn't really paying attention to how soon it was due. I haven't asked for an extension for anything all semester...so I really hope that I can get one, but I still always hate to ask. Maybe my professor will let me write on Fight Club the film rather than Fight Club the book, which would make it way easier.

Also, I was listening to Gregorian Chants on album while writing this post. It was PRETTY ridiculous.

happy endings

I couldn't really be more pleased with the way today and yesterday went.

Of the 110 things I needed to get done around the house, I think I accomplished like 35, which is a lot. Laundry, watering plants (the inside ones, obviously with all this rain!), dishes, coffee, trash, recycling, kitty, fridge, more kitty, more laundry, and more trash. That's not 35, but believe me when I say that I feel just as productive.

I am feeling alright about Chemistry...which, actually, is better than feeling confident, since I'm sure I will actually pay attention to what I'm doing rather than feeling cocky or whatnot.

I watched a fabulous movie and took a three hour nap instead of stressing out.

I danced a lot and had fun on Saturday with two of my favorites and said some pretty sentimental things to people who will appreciate them.

My only regret is that there are some people that I just can't read. And sometimes I get frustrated because I really, and I mean really, like to know what's going on.

My cat is going insane. I'm going to bed.

senior formal

I am just realizing now that I don't have the time to really get down to what was fantastic about last night. But I had a fabulous, delicious evening and I couldn't have asked for a better total package.

More soon.

Addendum: see the "labels" for what this evening entailed.

Prozac Nation

I think that Prozac Nation was harder to watch than anything else I've ever seen. Harder even than grotesque violence. Harder than really bad B-movies. Harder because the entire time I was seeing the familiar. Those lines weren't just some abstract screenplay that had something to do with someone else. It was my life. Those were my fights with my own mother. That is my life up to this point. I think, somehow, that I'm on the tail end of it...but to watch it...to see it...to recognize again just how close to the very bottom I was and to know that I could be there again...I could cry. All night. I won't. I won't because that's what not being depressed is about. It's about recognizing the difference between reality and theory. In theory I could cry. In theory I could have been devestated by my experiences. In reality, I know that I have to pull myself together and continue functioning. Functioning is what keeps me sane when there is nothing else left. That and keeping myself entertained. I look back on the times that I was a lot closer to crazy...and I guess I am just thankful that even though I didn't always feel supported, there were people around me who didn't give up. If you have ever done that for me or for anyone else...you should know that it's not always easy for someone to recognize how much you've helped them or even to say thank you, but you should know that you changed someone's life. You saved someone's life.

home away from home

current mood: comforted

I finally found it...something in the United States that makes me feel as if I am back in Japan for a few moments, surrounded by the familiar, comforting language and the faces from my neighborhood: Asian film. Ever since I've been back in the U.S., I never see a college aged kid without thinking that they all look exactly alike. I miss being in Japan with people I was growing to understand and feel a part of. I've missed it in a way that couldn't really be explained, but today I found something that comforted me, if only for the few hours it lasted. I have wanted to watch a couple of Asian films ever since I got back, and finally rented Hero (Chinese) last night and Last Life in the Universe (Japanese and Thai) today. I felt some comfort in simply understanding and recognizing the words and the actions and mannerisms of the characters. I don't know if it will be enough, but at least I've found a new love through which I can recall all of the fond memories I have of Japan that have seemed somewhat lost.

Currently Watching: Last Life in the Universe