Hello, I love you...

Good morning, morning. It's afternoon, actually, but I just finished with Sunday brunches.

I had a fabulous weekend. All said and done, I got ahead of schedule in life and happiness. I was bursting for a pretty good amount of it.

I'm starting to finally notice physically that I've been working out every day. I did actually feel more tired at the gym yesterday than usual, but in a good way, I think. My muscles are feeling more in tune with each other and with use. I think, though, that I'm going to start going to yoga with one of my girlfriends because I'm absolutely certain I need to be moving my body in new, different, more full ways. Not being a dancer anymore, I miss the rigor of perfecting each movement.

I discovered a new poetry book last night by Kim Addonizio. I'm really enjoying it and I even e-mailed her and asked her whether she'd consider coming to speak. Who knows if she'll actually get back to me, but I really like what she's saying and how she's saying it in some of her poems. I got it off of my friend's bookshelf, but he found it in the small publisher and out of print section at a huge bookstore/warehouse in Portland. In one of her poems she writes about Virginia, so I'm interested to know more. I'll keep you updated.

In other news, smiling and happiness are enough sometimes. I'm getting there more and more every day. After all, when all is said and done, what do I really have to be sad about? I have incredible friends who I would do anything for and who would do anything for me and that's honestly half the battle. Thank you to all of you who are. You are more to me me than I could have expected.

so much more than this

There is so much going on in my head that I have been unable to translate into any sort of useful product either for class or for this blog. I have gotten to that place at the end of the semester where my mind is stretched so completely in eight different directions that it's almost a contest to see which section of me will completely collapse first. I apologize for nothing making sense, but just go with it for now. I will try to fix it later.

this just in

Today when I opened up my amazon.com homepage in order to look up a desk that would span my bathtub so I could write in the tub, I saw a ridiculous home page (I will scan images in later, promise). It prompted a lot of thought regarding my individuality, taste levels, cultural awareness, etc.

Don't worry. I'll explain.

I fixed my bike. My hands smell like bike grease but I am glad that I labored on the product myself. I do need to fix the breaks. Maybe I will learn how.

I am very surprised there is not a desk for writing over the bathtub. I may have to make one? Ask Bryan / Brian to make one? Hmm.

Alright. Shower, clean. Crazy keg party @ my house. Again, I mean. That's twice in three days.

What?

printing

I smell like cumin, incense, and indecision.

So, I've been trying to get a firm grasp on whether or not I'm emotionally doing alright right now...part of that process is being able to look back and get a good feel for how I've been expressing myself and whether or not it has been generally healthy. One big problem. Sometime in between the time that I had just gotten back from Japan and now I stopped posting for a good 8 months. During this 8 month period of time, a lot of things happened. I have some journal writings from Europe which I guess I could put up....if I really wanted to search back through them, which might not be a bad idea...but I'm not sure if they're the type of writing that I need to be looking at to figure myself out.

I just want to make sure that I'm moving in the right direction.
It's hardly ever as easy as it seems...

friendship is rare

Yesterday was a very rewarding day. I had a lot of positives highlighted with opportune music and some fantastic (I would say) dancing on my part. I hadn't been to a dance party in forever. It was everything I could have ever hoped for.

In other news, I have happened upon someone who is very likely to become my new obsession. At least from what I can tell. I think I'm going to ask this person whether or not they have an apprentice program in which I could participate. I have a lot to learn.

The book has stalled for a while. I wrote a lot about apples but then it kind of faded away...

I'm fading away. Mike Levy reads XCKD too. I really hope the Syndication thing is an April Fool's Joke. Holler.

vertigo...

sitting in this friendly place. in a friendly space.

I've recently been very pulled when I'm here in this box. "In the box." So to speak...the one in my lap. Good, you got. it. With my hands feeling slightly extra enflated like mabye the monster creatures in Naked Lunch...the very beginning stages when you just start to look a little like A Scanner Darkly...off shaded, almost cartoony. But you know that you're on the verge...the very verge of a crack. F. Scott Fitzgerald Crack. It exists, you know. I feel like I'm swallowing the very back of my tongue and there's a liquid running down...except drowing...and I have to open my mouth wide. It's the allergies. They'll say...I should get something.

I'm going to tell you that I've been very torn recently...between the electronic portions of my life and the real live breathing technicolor not 256bpi crazy electronic world. the real real one.

The funny thing though, is that I actually mean the world that exists when me the real live breathing one am working on writing stories on paper....the funny thing is me thinking that in some ways that world...the paper world is inherently better than the electronic world. I'm not sure if you'll get that.

Anyhow. Just wanted to think outloud for a bit. Funny things surround me and I'm about 85% happy with it. I'm going to the paper world now.

proposition

I hope that real paper never goes out of business. There's nothing romantic about typing away on my laptop.

entre act

I feel like I'm starting in the middle with this, but that's the only place to start. I lose myself, pick up the pieces, and do it all over again. I live alone, love alone, and find myself in the middle of messes often. I used to write, but now I just sit and stare at a screen and wait for things to make themselves apparent. I decided that I might as well use some of the times that I'm just making myself tired for some self reflection and maybe even get my desire to write back in the process. If you stumble upon this, or if I share it with you, I guess you are lucky. Until then, I am doing this just for myself. Sometimes typing things makes them. That's what I'm hoping for.